I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
