at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
