She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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