Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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