I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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