I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
