Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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