Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
