Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
