I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
