i already hear my dad disowning me
never play flip cup with pint glasses
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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