return my video game
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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