I can text with my tongue
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
