i jhust puked up my retainher.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
