and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
