Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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