That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm passing your future prison.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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