Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
