I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
