So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
