How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
