thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
