he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize