I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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