I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
