So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
