The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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