You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
