I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
