I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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