Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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