we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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