I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
