you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
