I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
