well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
