everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize