Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
