Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Watching her eat just hurts me
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
