In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
