I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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