I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize