P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
