you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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