I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
