And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Quick, to the slutcave!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
