yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you would pick up someone in the library
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize