I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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