You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
