He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize