Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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