she was so not down for the gang bang
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
