So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
