how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize