uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You can't motorboat a personality
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
