How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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