Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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