he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
