why didn't you poke me back
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
