probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
They took my balls.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
