Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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