pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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