They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You were trust falling into bushes
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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