My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Randomize
