I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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