It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
