Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I didn't notice because vodka
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
