I wish I could teleport
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
