I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
