I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
