Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
