Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
