You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
