My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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