You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
