morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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