Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize