Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
