I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
