come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
