I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
