DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
