I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
