One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
