I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
