how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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