Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
