I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Fuck appropriateness.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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