you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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