I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
false alarm. still invincible.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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