I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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