just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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